According to the Mayans, today is the apocalypse.

I don’t know about you, but all that’s bad that happened to me today is that I had a Civics test and those are boring.

At any rate, some people have been preparing for Doomsday. I’ll bet some nerds are among them. How would the characters from our favorite fandoms prepare for the apocalypse?

Fandom: Harry Potter

Bunker: The Slytherin common room, down in the dungeons.

Weapon of choice: Wands, duh. What are you, an idiot?

Bio-suit: Dress robes.Official-DH-Chapter-Art-harry-potter--26-the-deathly-hallows-200227_400_358[1]

What food do they have stored up? Steak-and-kidney pie, pumpkin juice, and Chocolate Frogs.

Provisions (excluding food): A big box of Dr. Filibuster’s Fabulous Wet-Start No-Heat Fireworks and broomsticks. Basically, the former will probably end up exploding and the latter will be used to help clean up!

What will they do to pass the time while the world is ending? Test the Skiving Snackboxes, play Wizard Chess, and try to get Snape – sorry, Professor Snape – to smile.

What are their plans once everyone else is gone? Ron Weasley, spokesman for the group, said, “Eating.” All the other (far more sensible) wizards and witches answered, “Uniting the Hallows.”

Fandom: The Hunger Games

Bunker: District 13 or if absolutely necessary, the coal mines of District 12.

Weapon of choice: Swords, spears, bows and arrows, guns, and more. They have a The Hunger Games: The Official Illustrated Movie Companionwhole Cornucopia of them, in fact.

Bio-suit: Body armor designed by Cinna and manufactured in the Capitol. It comes in Basic Black and Effie Trinket’s Trademark Hot Pink.

What food do they have stored up? Lamb stew with dried plums and bread made by Peeta.

Provisions (excluding food): Weapons. Wait, those don’t count? Well, how about more weapons? Oh, all right. Little tiny parachutes. Hopefully they’re useable in an emergency.

What will they do to pass the time while the world is ending? Organize and compete in the 76th Hunger Games. Duh. What are you, an idiot?

What are their plans once everyone else is gone? A feast.

Fandom: The Hobbit and/or Lord of the Rings

Bunker: Duh, a hobbit hole. What are you, an idiot?

Weapon of choice: Glow-sticks… I mean, swords that glow blue when Orcs are near.Elrond_2[1]

Bio-suit: A tunic, boots, Elvish capes, and… tights. This is what you get when you put Legolas in charge of clothing.

What food do they have stored up? Lembas and miruvor. They last practically forever because you only need a little bit.

Provisions (excluding food): Pocket handkerchiefs, pipes, and loads of hobbit pipe-weed.

What will they do to pass the time while the world is ending? One word: singing.

What are their plans once everyone else is gone? There’s not much point in their staying in Middle-earth, so they’ll build ships and sail to Valinor.

Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Bunker: Cabin Eleven, also known as Hermes’ cabin.

070517_LightningThief_vmed_11a[1]Weapon of choice: They broke all theirs while fighting the Minotaur, so they’re relying on Zeus’ lightning bolts and Poseidon’s trident.

Bio-suit: Orange T-shirts! (Don’t worry – pants, too.)

What food do they have stored up? Duh, ambrosia. What are you, an idiot?

Provisions (excluding food): Beads for necklace-making. Sissy, I know.

What will they do to pass the time while the world is ending? Well, there’s this book of myths that they thought looked really cool…

What are their plans once everyone else is gone? Open a peaceful strawberry farm.

Fandom: Star Wars

Bunker: The Death Star

Weapon of choice: Lightsabers for the lucky, Ewoks for the rest.

Bio-suit: Stormtrooper armor.the-empire-strikes-back-Darth-vader[1]

What food do they have stored up? They come to the Dark Side for cookies.

Provisions (excluding food): Oh, just a couple of spaceships.

What will they do to pass the time while the world is ending? Listen to the cantina band, make fun of Princess Leia’s hairdo, and hold podraces.

What are their plans once everyone else is gone? TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE! Duh. What are you, an idiot?

Which fandom are you with, or are you part of a different one? I have to admit that those clothes from Cinna look pretty cool…


About nevillegirl

Elizabeth. University of Iowa class of 2019. Triple majoring in English & Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's, & Sexuality Studies. Twenty-one-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, aspiring writer, and lesbian. Passionate about feminism, mental health, comic books, and cats.
This entry was posted in Books and Reading!, Harry Potter, Non-Neville Posts, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Nerdpocalypse!

  1. Kate says:

    Harry Potter all the way. Definitely. (And not just because it’s my favorite series . . . well, maybe a LITTLE). Sorry, but I don’t think participating in the Hunger Games is a good way to pass the time and I’m not a huge fan of tights (WAYYYY too uncomfortable). But I still love the Hunger Games and Legolas! 😀 (And Star Wars and Percy Jackson, of course).

    • nevillegirl says:

      True. The disadvantage of choosing THG fandom is that most of them will be dead by the time the world has, er, stopped ending. Ended ending? xD

      Same here! Weird… a guy likes tights more than we do.

  2. orphu44 says:

    I say the Illyrian students have by far the best chance of surviving the apocalypse. Hole away in the basement and build as many inventions as they deem practical (or impractical, knowing Valentine). Send out some automatons to fight off the aliens. Get some volunteers to patrol the area in Violet’s lady-automaton. Go, Illyrians!

    • nevillegirl says:

      And make eyes at the Duke, in Violet’s case.

      I did think about including that fandom… but it’s so tiny. xD

      • orphu44 says:

        Yeah, all the other fandom bunkers would probably be chock-full, and then there would be a handful of AMoG fans huddled in Illyria’s basement.
        I’m so torn between the rest of them, though (except for the Hunger Games). Maybe the hobbit hole? That sounds kind of nice. But what’s the last item on their list of provisions?

        • nevillegirl says:

          Hmmm. I might just change my mind… maybe I’ll bring the little tiny parachutes from THG over to the basement and we’ll use them for inventions.

          Er. That would be me intending to put something there and then I forgot.

  3. Pingback: The Life & Times of Teddy Lupin, Chapter 13 « FanFiction Fridays

  4. Mary says:

    So. Awesome. I think I’d go bunk with the Star Wars crew, if I had to choose. Cantina band, cookies, and world domination? Count me in. I’d probably get kicked out of the Lord of the Rings group if I needed to sing………..I loved that “This is what you get when you put Legolas in charge of clothing” one, though.

  5. Percy Jackson! I like making bead necklaces

  6. Either Percy Jackson, LOTR…or Artemis Fowl! They could all huddle in the cell that Artemis put Holly in when he kidnapped her. xD

  7. July says:

    Haha funny! Did you come up with all that yourself? They’re so clever and funny 😀 I’ve been reading for a while, however this is the first time I commented. I’m also a new follower and would appreciate a follow back if you have the extra time 😛

  8. Pingback: Fandom Survivor « FanFiction Fridays

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