Percy Jackson’s Lip Gloss, Emma Watson’s Navel, And Other Things I Do Not Have On My Blog (So How Did They Find Me?)

I love looking at my WordPress Stats page. It’s my favorite part of the site. Of course, I love the Posts feature since, you know, I sort of wouldn’t be able to post anything here otherwise. But I love the Stats page. Most of the views I get come from my subscribers, but Musings From Neville’s Navel gets quite a few ‘hits’ each day from people looking for stuff. Some of it is normal – I’ve gotten 1,522 views for hogwarts crest in just the past three months – and some of it is really, really weird. Like, really weird. I’m not even sure why my blog was even a result for some of these search terms.

did harry kill voldemort or navel (Did the Dark Lord even have a navel? He didn’t have a nose, so perhaps his belly button fell off too.)

navel rolling (Is this a sport?)

whhat do you want to be when you grow up little girl? horrible (Actually, Kiki Strike answers, “Dangerous.”)

thayanora (She’s over at That One Is An It.)

jk rowlings new book will be s*** (But without the asterisks, because I want to keep this blog appropriate.)

cute teen girls with black skin (Get it through your thick skulls, people. I do not have this sort of thing on my blog.)

navel of agatha christie (No! I don’t have this on my blog!)

girls navel (See above.)

sexy preteen navels (Argh! See above.)

sexy preteen underwear (I want to poke my eyes out now.)

preteen supermodel (This isn’t quite as bad as the one above, but still.)

younggirlsnavelexam (Is it harder than the SAT?)

indian cute girls navel and bbo showing images (PEOPLE, I DON’T HAVE THIS STUFF HERE. Afterthought: OR ANYWHERE ELSE, EITHER.)

finished in the navel (Navel finishing school?)

emma watson navel (A lot of people searched this…)

teen girls navel play stories (Navel play… can’t decide whether that sounds G-rated or not.)

teen enjoying friends mom navel wearing navel chain wearing stories (Let me get this straight. The navel wears a navel chain?)

fire catch navel (Ouch! I’m glad my navel has never caught fire. Is spontaneous combustion of the belly button even a thing?)

my student’s navel (You’re really creepy, alright?)

harry potter gives voldemort aids (I don’t even want to know why two people searched this. I just don’t.)

bellatrix lestrange evil face (This, perhaps?)

percy jackson lip gloss torture (Yeah, I don’t know many guys who would just sit there while you apply lip gloss to them.)

eeee (Aaaa!)

roald dahl before he died (He was alive then.)

i do lot of progress (Very nice; I do many of writing.)

things that woukd torture a teenager (Talking to his/her parents, spending time with grandparents, being away from the computer, studying useless things in school, and more. This only applies to normal teenagers, though – only the last one would torture me.)

tortured teen want to get in (Aw, it sounds like a dog that’s been left outside and is scratching at the door to be let in!)

harry potter has too many commas (Does, it, now?)

fanfiction house elf birth training dobby kreacher winky (I tried to make sense of this search term, but then I just gave up.)

neville longbottom love story finished (This sounds adorable…)

have jk rowling ever participated in na no wri mo (I has knowledge of this! She have never participated because she not like to write stories.)

and then there were none-general macarthur described lombard as a man who is “not straight.” explain (Ha ha ha ha ha! I’m going to adopt a really bad British accent and tell you that it’s very, um, queer how the meaning of a word changes over time.)

ugly nerd girls (I hate you.)

musings of a clown fish blogspot (Nope, this isn’t me.)

pottermore book two chapter 5 how to open snape’s closet door (Snape is in the closet?! …and by the way, I messed about on Pottermore for a while and still can’t figure out how to open that door.)

jamie hyneman adam savage don’t like each other (That might be a problem, since they work together on Mythbusters.)

lv lord voldemort tank top (This is actually a thing.)

severus snape caps (This is not a thing. Unless they meant capes.)

do the hunger games change the players or do the games neveal (What?)

real life facial expressions (I can’t do any of those. I can only do the weird fictional ones like Spock’s raised eyebrows.)

theres someone else but neither of us can remember who it is (When I saw this search term, I think I knew who they were talking about, but now I’ve forgotten.)

pranks played in antarctica (Yes, I mention that one of my characters is a prankster penguin in Antarctica, but why would someone need to know what pranks to play in Antarctica? I’m imagining some scientist stationed in the middle of nowhere looking this up whilst cackling madly to himself.)

mr smiley character with glasses (Uh…?)

navels speech in harry potter (Oh yes! There’s this part in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II where Emma Watson’s – sorry, I mean Hermione’s – navel just starts giving a speech. It tells everyone to do their homework. Uh-huh.)

the perks of being a house elf (I think you mean The Perks of Being a Wallflower. How did you get this confused with Dobby?)

watch neighbors through the window (Stop it! You’re creepy!)

is there a quote in catching fire that shows the mood as depressing (Yes. It starts on the first page and ends on the last page.)

food network magazine park ranger trail mix recipes issue (I’ve talked about cooking and food here, but never trail mix.)

harry potter navel tickle (This is one of the many ways Voldemort tried to kill him.)

crazy pete saved the day (I think this is related to my 2011 NaNovel.)

slytherin face wash (That sounds amazing, although it doesn’t appear to be doing any wonders for Voldemort or Snape.)

i want to mentally torture someone (Go ahead. I won’t stop you.)

how to torture someone just by having his email address (Spam him. Duh.)

is it bad to like it when someone tortures you? (Yeah, a bit.)

stories on way of torturing teen girl physically (Try reading various chapters of the Harry Potter and Hunger Games books.)

how to torture (Try causing pain.)

belly button stabbing and torture with jon hansen (Oh my God, John! I’m so sorry!)

girl’s horrible navel torture stories (I already told you what to read!)

girls torture teen girls navel (Enough, already!)

to which master is so partial kreacher (I am such a nerd; I recognized the quote. Kreacher’s talking about the treacle tart to which Harry Potter is so partial.)

i just bothers me when someone dislikes me when i’ve never done anything wrong to them (Aw, I’m sorry, honey! Here’s a hug!)

relative posting an unflattering photo (I’ve never done this… as far as anyone knows! Mwahaha!)

funny voldemort trolls (Are they as creepy as troll dolls?)

snappy comebacks for self pity (Ooh, this one comes from some comments on a post where Liam said I was stewing in self-pity and I said I was self-deprecating.)

things to do for slytherins (Let them take over the world.)

can chang my navel colour dark in to fair (I don’t know, honestly. My navel has never changed color.)

albus dumbledore scar left knee (It looks like a map of the London Underground.)

frodo legolas slash (Wikipedia says, “Slash fiction is a genre of fan fiction that focuses on interpersonal attraction and sexual relationships between fictional characters of the same sex.” I’ll let that sink in… THIS IS NOT ON MY BLOG.)

aragorn x legolas tumblr (Look, people, all I’ve written about Legolas on here is that he’s hot. And Mr. Obvious.)

wendy lawrence astronaut stupid (No, she seemed quite intelligent to me.)

is wendy lawrence gay (She seemed quite happy when I met her. Wait, is that not what you meant?)

muppets gonzo, fozzie, pepe, kermit and rizzo (They are adorable, aren’t they?)

hunger games cato getting eaten by the dogs (Yum yum!)

did bob dole think he could win? (Bob Dole thinks about this for a minute. Bob Dole nods.)

camp nano rhino (I think they’re allowed to do Camp NaNo, but I’ve never heard of a rhino ever writing a novel, anyway.)

big navel auntie mame script (Huh?)

severus snape ticklish (Actually, I think he would kill you if you tickled him.)

elmo love miss piggy trucker (Apparently the puppeteer for Miss Piggy imagines that she’s a truck driver who wants to be a woman. Or something.)

ringo starr has no belly button (I looked this up, but couldn’t figure out if he does or not.)

“i don’t want to have lived in vain like most people. i want to be useful or bring enjoyment to all people, even those i’ve never met. i want to go on living… (I think Anne Frank was reincarnated and is searching the Internet!)

dobby elfe de maison (I believe this is “Dobby elf of [the] house” in French.)

ravenclaws for romney (And I thought Ravenclaws were supposed to be smart! Ha ha ha!)

Which ones are your favorites?

About nevillegirl

Elizabeth, University of Iowa class of 2019. Double majoring in English & Creative Writing and Journalism. Twenty-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, and aspiring writer. Passionate about feminism and lesbian positivity.
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48 Responses to Percy Jackson’s Lip Gloss, Emma Watson’s Navel, And Other Things I Do Not Have On My Blog (So How Did They Find Me?)

  1. Mom says:

    I like them all!

  2. John Hansen says:

    Well, clearly someone has it in for me. O.o

  3. Miriam Joy says:

    So I tried to comment on this, like, three times, but my phone was refusing to accept that this post existed, and so was the WordPress reader, and eventually I had to do the old fashioned thing of actually going to your blog, you know, which is effort.

    I’m worried by how many of these are relating to torture. I think you need to be careful what you blog about or you’ll have the FBI down on you fairly soon! I love how you’re horrified by Frodo / Legolas but you don’t even seem surprised that Aragorn / Legolas came up.

    I have a friend who persists in calling it NaNoRhiNo, much to my irritation. He just did it to annoy me, I know. I’ve had some amusing search terms in the past, though I think most of them were a little more family friendly than yours. If my Tumblr came up in search engines (which it doesn’t – for a reason) and I could see the search terms for that, I’m worried what they might be.

    • nevillegirl says:

      God, that must have been exhausting. *pat pat*

      Yes, I should. They probably already have a file on me because so much awesomeness cannot be contained in one person. *nods*

      *blushes bright red* Well… well… I was just really surprised that people found my blog from that at all and… *gives up* xD

      My mom always “forgets” what NaNo is called and makes up her own names for it. :/

      I JUST CHECKED TODAY’S STATS: “hobbit legolas” and “frodo and legolas”. Grrrrr. xD

  4. Mary says:

    Wow. I don’t know whether to laugh at or be concerned about these searches. I guess the navel results make sense, but why all the torture? “theres someone else but neither of us can remember who it is” made me laugh, though – who searches for that sort of thing? Your comment of “Look, people, all I’ve written about Legolas on here is that he’s hot. And Mr. Obvious.” was also funny, although I think I might have missed that post.

    I don’t know about you, but I do a happy dance whenever someone finds my blog from a search that was actually relevant. Like “It’s a Wonderful Life” or something. Recently I’ve been having a lot of referrals from “now i have a machine gun ho ho ho”, which sounds very worrying until you know where it’s from.

    Random comment: I would be hopeless at searching for your blog; I always misspell “navel” as “naval”. Oh yes, I has smarts.

    • nevillegirl says:

      I know why, actually. I wrote a post that ended up being Freshly Pressed and it was about awful YA books and TCWT – “If you want to torture someone, just grab one of these books!” was the title.

      Apparently, people who have forgotten who Foxface is. But why didn’t they just search her name?!

      Oh yes. I reviewed the first LotR movie.

      It’s from one of your Christmas movie posts, isn’t it? But that IS worrying. O_o

      Don’t worry. Once, I wrote a post where I said, “You can only improve basic English skils so far.” and didn’t notice it until a reader pointed it out. xD

  5. tomte says:

    laughing………….too……….hard……….to………..type………properly……….

  6. sherlockian745 says:

    ravenclaws for romney? Ha!
    I think pottermore must have sorted them wrong…

  7. orphu44 says:

    Oh my Gollum, you have the best search terms. Seriously. Although I wouldn’t have guessed this was a G-rated blog, for some of them.
    I should check mine, but I almost certainly won’t get any as amazing as these.

  8. orphu44 says:

    Frodo and Legolas? Tell them I fully respect their relationships – although admittedly, I’ve never thought of them as being together. Frodo/Sam, and um … sure, why not, Legolas/Aragorn.
    And I just checked my search terms- my best is “did the sorting hat betray sirius black.”

  9. Ahahahah. *dies* *lives again*: My favorite has to be… “is there a quote in catching fire that shows the mood as depressing (Yes. It starts on the first page and ends on the last page.)”
    I’m going to go check mine now. I’m a bit scared.

  10. I think this may be the funniest thing I have seen all day.

  11. I know how to get boggart-Snape to come out. You double-click on the closet door. Also, you get to ‘Riddikulus’ him and laugh at Snape in drag.
    You could also refresh the page a few times to get different students’ boggarts. Dean’s, Seamus’s, and Ron’s are the ones I’ve seen. There might be more, though. Ron’s spider is particularly rare.

  12. Alouette Kim says:

    *sniggers*
    I’m sorry, but I find “younggirlsnavelexam” absolutely hilarious. Maybe it’s because of your response (“Is it harder than the SAT?”), but my friends and I talk a lot about tests and standardized tests and class tests and whether the SAT is harder than the PSAT and if the practice SAT is very different from the SAT (I got a 2260 on the practice!), and if the SHSAT is harder than the ISEE and so on. -_-
    Tests.
    *sighs*
    This is why American education fails. It’s all about the multiple choice (and the essay writing section on the SAT).
    Happy New Years Eve!

    • nevillegirl says:

      *pretends to look stern* Study hard for the Young Girls’ Navel Exam!

      Happy New Year’s Eve to you, too!

      • Alouette Kim says:

        😛
        I hate studying. I have heard of no such thing. Hm… do you take a lot of tests as a homeschooler? //I’m sorry if that question sounded really stupid.\\ I go to a publicly funded school, but because it’s privately run the students don’t have any state-mandated tests. I know once in elementary school a girl who was homeschooled took state tests with my class. 😐

        • nevillegirl says:

          It’s not a stupid question! Being curious is fine… what really irritates me are the authors who decide to have homeschooled characters, first making us seem like freaks and secondly making stuff up about what we’re required to do.

          So. It depends on the state. Some states are really strict and you have to get tested and evaluated and show what you’re studying. But some states aren’t; my state (IN) doesn’t require anything. At all. I mean, to get in college and stuff, we still have to take the SAT and similar things, but there’s this test in IN called the ISTEP that schools take every year and we don’t have to.

          The ironic thing is that I really like tests! xD They’re like a game for me.

          • Alouette Kim says:

            xD What you’re saying reminds me of how a few months ago I was reading Gordon Korman’s book Ungifted, which was about a fictional school for gifted kids. He made everybody there seem like freaks with no social life who are absolute goody two-shoes and await corruption from a video-gaming, “normal” student. The story was told in good humor, but I found myself incredibly irritated because that is absolutely not what a school for gifted students is like. I would know; I go to one.
            😛 Well that’s good. I hate school tests because the affect my grades. 😛 I hate the SAT because it’s a stupid money-making franchise, and state-mandated tests are just ridiculously easy.

            • nevillegirl says:

              Ergh, there’s another reason for me to dislike Korman! He wrote a book called “Schooled” about a homeschooled kid who has to attend public school and stuffed it full of stereotypes. My brother and I wrote to him about it and he said that he understood that not all homeschooled kids are like that. I was like, “No, you DON’T get that! If you understood it, you wouldn’t have made Cap (main character) that way because now tons of people will read it and snicker about how stupid homeschoolers are.”

              • Alouette Kim says:

                Now I want to write to him about his book “Ungifted” as well! //blog post idea. Would you mind if I mentioned in a blog post of mine your comment? (with a link, of course)\\ When will he stop writing books that encourage negative stereotyping? I found this article yesterday (http://www.publishersweekly.com/pw/by-topic/authors/interviews/article/52290-pw-talks-with-gordon-korman.html), where he said: “I do a lot of school visits, which is great market research,…I’ve seen how the word ‘gifted’ is often kicked around. Kids who make it into those special programs are certainly proficient in some ways, but in other ways they may lag behind other kids in the school. I was wondering what would happen if a kid who was not academically gifted suddenly got thrown in that mix.”
                Clearly he didn’t do his research. I wonder how he came up with the idea of writing about a protagonist who’s homeschooled. Korman might think writing in affirmation of a stereotype is funny, but it encourages said stereotyping and is absolutely wrong.

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