A Letter To My Computer

My mom is probably reading this and thinking, “HER computer?! Hey! She doesn’t have a computer!” Yes, yes, I know. But no one else uses it and it’s less confusing to call it my computer than “the computer I use but that my parents own”.

Dear Ronald,

It’s time we had a talk.

I am not very happy with you.

Let me back up. I don’t hate you. (Yet.) Almost every story or essay I’ve written on a computer, I’ve written on you. You’ve gotten me through two NaNoWriMos, two Camp NaNos, and one Script Frenzy. I’ve used you since I started blogging. You do all kinds of cool things for me, like playing music, saving my writing, and letting me upload my photography. You spoil me by having a gigantic screen so that when I use a different computer, I always think the screen is tiny even though it’s normal size.

I thank you for that.

But sometimes, you have terrible technological temper tantrums. You scream, “ERROR! INSUFFICIENT MEMORY!” at me when I try to save a document or upload photos. You obviously have a grudge against YouTube because sometimes you won’t play videos from there. You hate WordPress because quite often lately, you won’t load any pages other than Stats and the list of my Drafts.

In fact, I’m having to write this letter to you on my mom’s laptop because you had a hissy fit and refused to play nice with WordPress.

Do you enjoy torturing me? Is that it?

Well, guess what? I have an awesome little brother, Quentin, who is really good with computers. I’m sure if I ask nicely enough, I can get him to figure out which of your innards would hurt the most were I to slowly pull them out while you shriek, “ERROR! UPDATE FAIL- OWIE! OUCH! OK, OK, I PROMISE I’LL BE A GOOD LITTLE COMPUTER!”

So quit misbehaving. Or else.

Sincerely,

nevillegirl

P.S. I’m changing your name to Adele because you are one. A Dell, I mean.

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About nevillegirl

Elizabeth, University of Iowa class of 2019. Double majoring in English & Creative Writing and Journalism. Twenty-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, and aspiring writer. Passionate about feminism and lesbian positivity.
This entry was posted in Nevillegirl's Adventures!, Non-Neville Posts, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to A Letter To My Computer

  1. Charley R says:

    Ehehehehe, reminds me of the snarling matches I used to have with my old laptop, Amy Pond. She used to crash every other day of the week, eat all my files, and load so slowly I might as well have handwritten the Declaration of Independence in the time it took her to load.

    My lovely little Macbeth – yes, it’s a Mac, and yes, I’m a nerd – has none of those problems, of course, and was very pleased with itself when I sold Amy off to my little cousins. Apparently she’s much nicer to them than she was to me.

    As for Adele – yay for puns! xD

  2. You need a Mac 😉 Even a 6 year old battery-less reddish-brown (not that colour originally) Macbook like the computer I use but that my parents own.

  3. themagicviolinist says:

    I’m glad you changed the name from Ronald to Adele. One of my main characters’ name is Ronald and it was REAAAAALLY starting to weird me out. I kept imagining a sixteen-year-old boy slashing away with his sword at the computer. Anyways . . .

    Dang, I’m lucky. I have a regular computer (a desktop which I am using right now) and a laptop. I use my laptop for computer games and writing when I’m going somewhere or if my desktop isn’t cooperating. ;P I should really name them. (I herby dub thee Cassandra and Cornelia!)

    I know WordPress can be tricky from experience. ;P It likes to play tricks on you. I love blogger, but sometimes WordPress is nice.

  4. Artgirl says:

    This made my day. My computer gives me trouble as well, and I decided a few years ago that it enjoys torturing me. It’s very manipulative, though, because my parents seem to think that it works perfectly. Perhaps I will give it an evil sounding name.

  5. HAHAHA! I would like this post but for some reason the Like button isn’t working. It’s very annoying. My computer cycles through several different names. Sometimes, when it’s being nice, I call it Beatrice or Augusta. When it’s being stubborn but still working, it’s Clarisse. When it won’t load anything and forces me to restart it, it’s Elspeth. When it isn’t behaving no matter what I do, it’s Seth (evil Egyptian god) or Damian or Dracula or Jadis. Yes, I call my computer many things. Yes, I admit that I am weird.

  6. Amanda says:

    Okay, this made me grin. Computers are awesome but I do think they really enjoy torturing everyone, especially writers.

    And I know what you mean about the “computer I use that my parents own.” I call this thingy “my” computer, too. 😛

    And in reply to you and Leinad, I have never used a Mac so I can’t comment, but Windows is rather annoying. I like Linux better most times. (Especially Mint and Ubuntu. Google it. :P)

    But then again, I grew up that way because my dad’s a techy person and he wanted us to be able to use/fix/whatever several different types of OS. 😉

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