My Mother Is Infinitely Quotable

My mom is amazing in many ways. I’m not sure whether that means amazingly cool or amazingly weird, though. (They’re probably the same thing, anyway.) She is talented at everything from physics to singing like Kermit the Frog but today, I’m going to focus on things she says. I often say that I want a normal mother but actually, I don’t. It would be so boring without someone exclaiming odd things throughout the day.

Oh wait. I do that too.

I guess I know where I get that from.

“Chocolate is poisonous to elephants. Have you ever seen any elephants in South America where chocolate is grown? No, of course not – because the chocolate killed them!”

“You smell like toasted cheese!” (No one, including her, has any idea what this means. But it’s part of our family folklore by now.)

“I’m crafty. I make people.”

“I think Sam [Gamgee] looks like Chris Farley.”

“Adele is really a squirrel. Why do you think she doesn’t wear tight dresses? If she did, her fuzzy tail would show.”

“[Lord of the Rings] is like Monty Python – all the hobbit women look like men, probably because they’re played by men.”

“Adele has two types of songs: ‘I’m sad because you broke up with me’ and ‘I’m happy because I broke up with you’.”

“Watch out, it’s the zombie squirrels of the apocalypse!”

“[Screams like a goat]”

“A deaf chipmunk jumped on my shoe!”

“No, I won’t scream like a goat again.”

Love you, Mom!


About nevillegirl

Elizabeth. University of Iowa class of 2019. Triple majoring in English & Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's, & Sexuality Studies. Twenty-one-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, aspiring writer, and lesbian. Passionate about feminism, mental health, comic books, and cats.
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15 Responses to My Mother Is Infinitely Quotable

  1. Amanda says:

    Your mom is indeed awesome. That would be my dad or me saying stuff like that…my mom is more of the practical person. But she’s still awesome. 😉

  2. Charley R says:

    Your mum sounds AWESOME. And please let her know that I am now certain that Adele is a squirrel, and that she will lead the armies of the zombie squirrel apocalypse when it comes!

  3. matttblack42 says:

    Why can’t my mom say awesome things like yours? Instead she only says practical stuff like “Don’t forget to wear a sweater, it’s cold outside.”

    She buys me gum though, so it’s okay.

  4. krislivo says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha! They ALL belong on a t-shirt!

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