My mom is amazing in many ways. I’m not sure whether that means amazingly cool or amazingly weird, though. (They’re probably the same thing, anyway.) She is talented at everything from physics to singing like Kermit the Frog but today, I’m going to focus on things she says. I often say that I want a normal mother but actually, I don’t. It would be so boring without someone exclaiming odd things throughout the day.
Oh wait. I do that too.
I guess I know where I get that from.
“Chocolate is poisonous to elephants. Have you ever seen any elephants in South America where chocolate is grown? No, of course not – because the chocolate killed them!”
“You smell like toasted cheese!” (No one, including her, has any idea what this means. But it’s part of our family folklore by now.)
“I’m crafty. I make people.”
“I think Sam [Gamgee] looks like Chris Farley.”
“Adele is really a squirrel. Why do you think she doesn’t wear tight dresses? If she did, her fuzzy tail would show.”
“[Lord of the Rings] is like Monty Python – all the hobbit women look like men, probably because they’re played by men.”
“Adele has two types of songs: ‘I’m sad because you broke up with me’ and ‘I’m happy because I broke up with you’.”
“Watch out, it’s the zombie squirrels of the apocalypse!”
“[Screams like a goat]”
“A deaf chipmunk jumped on my shoe!”
“No, I won’t scream like a goat again.”
Love you, Mom!