To whom it may concern:
You probably know me as that girl who wobbles around with armloads of books, accidentally dropping them on little kids when she wanders into the children’s section. When I was about five, I wrote an essay for school about how I wanted so much to be a librarian. OK, maybe I shouldn’t call it an essay – but hey, when you’re five, writing ten sentences is hard work! I don’t want to be a librarian anymore unless it’s something I do when I’m an old lady (in between being the next J.K. Rowling, of course) but you guys are awesome. Here are some things I would like to tell you.
1. I appreciate that you don’t laugh at me (too much) when I check out a three-foot stack of picture books.
2. Can you tell that mean-looking old lady librarian with the pointy eyebrows to lay off, already? Every time I get a book she glares at me like I’ve just ripped its covers off and licked the pages, which I assure you I have NOT.
3. The room for YA fiction is great; thank you. I love those cool posters of the Harry Potter actors holding books.
4. I see that the library’s website was updated. It looks nice and there’s even character information for each book, but who on Earth wrote that? It’s making me giggle.
From the page for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: “Harry Potter (Male), Student, Has magical powers; attending a wizard school; training to be a wizard. Ron Weasley (Boy), Student, Attending a wizard school; training to be a wizard. Hermione Granger (Girl), Student, Attending a wizard school; training to be a wizard.” So they’re all at a school for wizards, but only Harry has magical powers? It must be difficult for Ron and Hermione to do their homework.
From the page for The Hobbit: “Bilbo Baggins (Male), Hobbit, Fond of the comforts of home; smokes a pipe; reluctantly agrees to go on an adventure with Gandalf; enjoys riddles.” I understand – Bilbo’s smoking habit is so important to the plot.
From the page for A Dance With Dragons: “Daenerys Targaryen (Male), Queen, The last scion of House Targaryen; rules with three dragons; many of her enemies have set out to find her.” Everyone knows male queens make the best rulers.
From the page for The Hunger Games: “Peeta Mellark (Male), Son of the District 12’s baker; Katniss’s partner in the Hunger Games, a televised gladiator type competition; prepared to be a good loser; his trainers want him to pretend to be in love with Katniss.” Buuuurn, Peeta. A good loser?!
5. Thank you for helping me find stuff in the big, scary Adult area. I get lost in there otherwise and books in the Fiction section leap off the shelves and bite me. Books in Nonfiction scream when I open them like in Harry Potter.