Please Sponsor Me In The Hunger Games!

hungergames-propagandahumor-sponsor-full“Hello, ladies, gentlemen, and mockingjays! I’m nevillegirl from District 7, known for its… logging. But we won’t talk about that, because it’s boring. I’ve been Reaped into the coming Games and what I really want to talk about is why you should sponsor me. I have loads of skills that shouldn’t go to waste and I promise that if you let me win, I’ll give you the most amusing Hunger Games ever.

Archery

Just call me the next Katniss Everdeen. As long as the target is approximately five feet away, I can hit it dead-on.

Knife-throwing

I am absolutely deadly here. I’m so hardcore I once threw a spoon at someone and cut them. True story.

Running

Able to jog faster than a charging rhinoceros! Able to leap flaming fireballs in a single bound! It’s the one and only… nevillegirl! I’m rather proud of my sprinting ability. If we actually have energy in District 7 because we’re not starving at the moment, sometimes we play softball and I love running the bases. I’m terrible at maintaining such a high speed over longer distances (which explains why this weekend I ran a 5K and my time was 38:00) but I do keep on going. I just imagine a chocolate donut hovering in front of me just out of reach, and I speed up to get it.

Swimming

I don’t sink, at least. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at ducking underwater and holding my breath, which causes me to pop up for air every few seconds. But this is actually a good thing. The sight of me bobbing up and down in a creek, splashing about and gulping down air while my fellow tributes try to kill me is sure to make you split your sides laughing.

Ability to Handle Weapons Other Than Knives And Bows

I’m rather handy with a muzzleloader, if for some reason there are weapons from the eighteenth century. Unfortunately, they must be reloaded after each firing and that takes about ninety seconds, so better hope that I’m not killed in the process.

Foraging

Here’s an idea: ask the Gamemakers to not put poisonous plants in the arena. Also suggest that they invent a tree that produces a variety of sandwiches, because I can handle that type of foraging. P.S. I don’t like peanut butter and jelly.

Strength

District 7 is known for its logging but I’m clearly too good to have to work in the woods, so over the years I’ve built up huge muscles with other activities. I frequently lift large stacks of notebooks, my Lord of the Rings boxed set, and my cat, Mr. Whiskers (also known affectionately as “Fattypants”).

Stealth

This has been honed by many years of trying to sneak more than ten novels past the librarians. Stupid book limits.

And so concludes what will probably go down in the history of Panem as the stupidest speech ever. Please sponsor me in the upcoming Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in my favor!”

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About nevillegirl

Elizabeth. University of Iowa class of 2019. Triple majoring in English & Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's, & Sexuality Studies. Twenty-one-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, aspiring writer, and lesbian. Passionate about feminism, mental health, comic books, and cats.
This entry was posted in Books and Reading!, Homeschooling, Nevillegirl's Adventures!, Non-Neville Posts, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Please Sponsor Me In The Hunger Games!

  1. orphu44 says:

    Hold on a moment, let’s deal with the most important stuff first: your library has a ten-book limit? Is it how many you can get out at once or how many you can have out all in all? O.O
    Moving on to your plea for sponsorship … hmm. Fine, I’ll sponsor you. But once you win the Games with the help of my fabulous gifts, you must visit me in the Capitol while performing your mentoring duties.

  2. Amanda says:

    Yep. Definitely amusing. Well done. πŸ˜€

  3. I’d sponsor you πŸ™‚
    Who is you fellow district 7 tribute?

  4. The Cogaroo says:

    I took a quiz, and it said I was from the Capitol… I’ll sponsor you! But no peanut butter and jelly. πŸ™‚

  5. Rose says:

    I’ll sponsor you *sends parachute with sandwiches, laptop, wifi, assorted weapons, books, books, and more books*

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