Enemies Of The Hair, Beware!

Every so often, I like to list the weird search terms people have used to find my blog. (You can find earlier posts like this here.) Prepare to be amazed! Prepare to be shocked by oddness! And enjoy!

is nice my precious is it juice (Yes, precious. It is… juice. Apple juice.)

is it nice, my preciousss? is it juicy? is it scumptiously crunchable (First you wanted juice, now you want crunchables. Greedy little creature!)

the thing between you and me navel (Did anyone else read that in a Scottish accent, or was that just me?)

like the giver but sexier (I’m pretty sure everything is sexier than the Giver.)

silly questions to ask people (One of them is, “Does Engie ever get any normal search terms?”)

tracheostomies fanfiction harry potter (I didn’t know what this meant, so I looked it up and apparently tracheostomies are “holes cut in the trachea, e.g. to ensure the airway is unblocked or to suck out secretions.” Maybe Voldemort had one?)

the hobbit desolation of smaug benedict camberline (Isn’t it odd how one can misspell Benedict Cumberbatch’s name and yet everyone still knows to whom you are referring?)

men navel blog (If you’re looking for a blog about men’s navels or men in general, this is literally the last place you should be.)

camp half blood reads the nico is gay scene fanfiction (Oh my god, now I’m imagining the entire camp reading The House of Hades and going, “Awwww” when Nico confesses his crush and aaaah this is so adorable. Can someone write this, please?)

nerdy mushy quotes (“We are all a little weird and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss.)

train romance of navel (What?)

where is nevilles toad (I don’t know. Didn’t he hid in the Herbology greenhouses? Or something? I may be misremembering that.)

aliance broke. face wallpaper (Your face broke the wallpaper? Wow.)

i can’t think straight online (I know, right? There’s too many pictures of pretty girls.)

practice of kissing navel (Um. OK.)

rick riordan’s interesting facts about later life (This is, clearly, the ultra-boring sequel to The Blood of Olympus.)

minerva mcgonagall fanart (All I can say is YES!)

catching fire in the lift (It took me forever to understand this one. Eventually I realized this person wasn’t talking about things literally catching on fire. They meant Catching Fire. The elevator scene.)

binaries in the secret life of bees (I don’t even know?)

lipgloss in navel stories (No, no, no! Lip gloss goes on your lips, not on your navel!)

girl i can be your superhero (OMG. I am 100% sure that if Black Widow said this to me, I would swoon into her arms. But I would react that way even if she didn’t say that, because let’s face it. Black Widow is gorgeous.)

pjo fanfiction percy can play the piano (Evidently Poseidon is now the god of pianos as well as the sea. Who knew?)

what is wendy lawrences importance (Well, she met me once.)

two lesbian showing their deep navel chain navel ring with navel (I’m not even going to comment on the last part of that comment. I’m just going to giggle about how this person seems to think that the plural of “lesbian” is “lesbian.” Like they’re deer or fish or something. Only I’ve never seen a herd or school of lesbians. How sad.)

writing just a tiny bit of romance (Aaah, whoever you are, you are perfect and I thank you for this search term. That is precisely what I try to write.)

gregor and luxa make love fanfiction (Ew. No. Need I remind you that they’re thirteen in the last book?)

gregor and luxa have a baby fanfiction (Thirteen, people. Thirteen.)

christian review of the dream thieves (Another instance of people not knowing my blog very well. [Makes atheist noises])

compare diary of young girl and hunger games (I… can’t? Because there really aren’t any similarities? Who even looks for this stuff?)

type of baboon (Um?)

19 words that describe the son of Neptune (An oddly specific search.)

what chapter does nico find out hes gay (Chapter thirty-five, entitled “The Angel of Gay.” It’s like the Angel of Death except that, upon meeting you, it will slowly and dramatically lift a finger to point at you and utter a single word: “GAAAAAAAAY.” True story.)

is anyone else mad that fiona is a big part in the giver movie (Er, not really. I mean, she had a pretty big role in the book, so.)

what does a monkey barre in a playground (OK, so apparently a barre is “a stationary handrail used during ballet warm-up exercises.” Miriam Joy, was this you?)

ignorant questions asked to homeschoolers (#1: “How do you ever meet people?” #2: “Isn’t it hard to find a boyfriend if you’re homeschooled?”)

man laughing evilly (Mwahaha!)

lord baelish the most evil man on got (Petyr Baelish goes, “Mwahaha!)

good qualities for fire and ice (Uh. I’m not sure if this refers to Robert Frost’s poem or A Song of Ice and Fire – which takes its title from that poem, anyway.)

why am i always attracted to girl navel (Another weirdly specific search term. I don’t know about you, but I’m attracted to girls in general. Not, like, girls’ navels and boys’Β noses and whatever.)

unexpected navel show pics (Ah, yes, I loved that movie! The Hobbit: An Unexpected Navel Show.)

sinful days (Otherwise known as my “a day in the life” posts, I suppose.)

big navel real life (This sounds like a reality TV show.)

who thought it was weird that aurora woke up to true love’s kiss with maleficent (Not I.)

navel chain happy story (Are those like chain letters?)

cinderellesbians (This search term makes me so happy because I did talk about Cinderellesbians once. Someone specifically looked for this!)

And finally, the one you’ve all been waiting for, the one from this post’s title:

the hair of slytherin (What a shame that his heir, Voldemort, didn’t inherit that hair. At least he had a tracheostomy.)

Which search term is your favorite? And what are some of the strangest search terms you have ever received?


About nevillegirl

Elizabeth. University of Iowa class of 2019. Triple majoring in English & Creative Writing, Journalism, and Gender, Women's, & Sexuality Studies. Twenty-one-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, aspiring writer, and lesbian. Passionate about feminism, mental health, comic books, and cats.
This entry was posted in Nevillegirl's Adventures!, Non-Neville Posts, Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

38 Responses to Enemies Of The Hair, Beware!

  1. Miss Alexandrina says:

    I’m sad to say I rarely get such interesting/odd/intriguing or at least long sentences in my search terms as these. Some of the weirdest/irrelevant have been ‘joungest mudgirls tumblr’, ‘bunny teens’, ‘homograms’, ‘”rucapt”‘. A lot are pretty weird but make sense in context of some of my posts, such as “do men like morally sound women” – I did a post a while back called ‘the morality of love’, though I don’t believe I covered the above question. πŸ˜›
    And numerous searches of the incorrect spelling of my name.

    • nevillegirl says:

      Bunny… teens? xD (Although, could that be related to the It Gets Better video that you posted the other day?)

      “Homograms” are what you use to measure my weight. *nods*

      Bahaha. That’s a great search term! And a weirdly specific one. (“Do men like morally sound women,” that is, not “rucapt.”)

      • Miss Alexandrina says:

        (That’s true. I didn’t think of that.)

        Haha! πŸ˜›

        I know, right. I get lots of ones like that – specific, but perhaps not strictly relevant to the blog post I’ve worked on.
        No idea what rucapt is meant to be, unless it’s a back misspellling of recap – but even my ‘recaps’ of weeks and writing stuff I tend to call ‘reviews’. You know, like looking back.

    • nevillegirl says:

      There are evidently a lot of people who find my blog by searching for Bob Marley lyrics… because I wrote a post about him ONCE. xD They’re so random and yet specific.

  2. MOHE says:

    These are all gold–I can’t even pick a favorite.

    Those Gregor/Luxa fics could have, y’know, aged them. And taking another example from your post, Birthmothers in The Giver/Son start having babies when they’re about 14 so it might not be as crazy within the Underland society.

  3. Thomas says:

    These are too funny! The navel-related ones make me giggle, but my favorite out of this batch has to be “like the giver but sexier.” Have you read the Giver? Also, great post, I love it when you pull up your search terms.

    • nevillegirl says:

      Maybe Lois Lowry should commission a special new edition of the book with the Giver posing sexily on the cover. xD Not.

      Thanks! πŸ™‚ I love giggling at the weird search terms.

  4. matttblack42 says:

    These posts make me jealous because I never get any weird search terms. They’re all exactly what you’d expect from my blog, like “the little engine that could,” or “TCWT.” It’s very boring. So I decided that from now on, I will add a bunch of random, unrelated tags to each of my posts just to see what happens.

  5. Miriam Joy says:

    It wasn’t me. They probably meant monkey bars. I have so many memories of those…

    The Ace Angel doesn’t say anything. It just stands in a corner until you notice it and then vanishes. It’s kind of creepy, and grey with purple wings. Honestly, it freaked me out.

    Why would you even need a Christian review of TDT? Actually, don’t answer that. I’m in enough Goodreads groups to know the answer.

    • nevillegirl says:

      I loved the monkey bars. πŸ˜€ I have, sadly, grown too tall (!!! me! tall! somewhat!) to use them. Now I can just walk under them… *sighs like the perpetual child she is*

      *giggles* Nice.

      Indeed. People are strange about that stuff.

  6. what even…
    I wonder what the people who searched for “big navel real life” and “binaries in the secret life of bees” thought when they found your blog lol πŸ˜€

  7. Cait says:

    This made me laugh so so much. XD THANK YOU FOR THIS LAUGH. Your little commentary at the side? PRICELESS.

  8. Reading this has actually been the highlight of the day, your comments at the side are absolutely fabulous- My favorite one had to be “I can’t think straight online” BECAUSE of the commentary. When I saw it I made this weird snort-snarkle noise that spooked my dog X’D

  9. That was hilarious! I’m trying not to laugh (rather unsuccessfully). I read it in a Scottish accent too!

  10. themagicviolinist says:

    Oh my gosh, this was great! XD I love these posts. They make me laugh every time.

    Huh, I wonder what atheist noises would sound like . . .

  11. Artgirl says:

    Okay, at your caption for “men navel blog” I collapsed into a fit of giggles. Also I think your new tagline should be “like the Giver but sexier” or “girl I can be your superhero.” Please?

    Most of my search terms are boring and actually make sense, but probably my favorites are “envelopes planning NaNoWriMo” (so I’m a piece of postage now, apparently) and “best Doctor Who poetry” (Pffff…)

    • nevillegirl says:

      Thank you. πŸ˜›

      YES. I like the first one, especially. Thank you for suggesting that. xD

      But you DO have the best Doctor Who poetry! πŸ™‚ I loved it, anyway.

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