Good morning! Today I’m going to talk about “Deep Breath,” the latest Doctor Who episode… again. I know I already discussed it on Thursday, but I have A LOT OF THOUGHTS about fiction, all right?
I have a bunch of thoughts bouncing around in my mind at the moment, so I’ll split this post into multiple little sections in order to keep it somewhat coherent. Time for some Roman numerals!
I love cute fictional couples. I don’t want romantic subplots in every story, but… if said subplot is cute and well-written, then I will probably love it. I will probably go, “Awww, that couple is so adorable!” and sigh happily and hug the book/TV out of sheer joy and just generally act like the mega-dork that I am.
This process will repeat each time that particular fictional couple does anything remotely affectionate. Hugging, kissing, holding hands… fighting monsters? Yeah, probably. (What’s more romantic than saving the world together?)
There are many cute couples in Doctor Who
and they usually fight monsters together, and now you can imagine how I react to that.
My favorite from the show? These two dorks. Vastra and Jenny.
Actually, that’s not quite true. My favorites are Vastra & Jenny and Nine & Rose. But the latter isn’t really relevant to this post because those two haven’t been around since series one…
Anyway. They’re adorable. They’re very affectionate with one another. They kick alien butt and solves crimes in Victorian London. And yeah, they kissed in “Deep Breath.” Finally. It only took five episodes, two series, and three years for that to happen.
(I’m noticing a pattern here, what about you? Nine & Rose had one kiss and when it happened I was like IT’S ABOUT TIME and yay. And I swear that last sentence’s time pun was unintentional. I’m so sorry.)
[Insert happy sighing here]
Some people weren’t quite so happy about that kiss, though. This article, in particular, caused me fits of giggles thanks to quotes such as the following: “The BBC seem [sic] to want to become a porn channel.”
I’m probably going to get some really weird blog search terms now that I mentioned the word “porn,” aren’t it? Oh, dear. Anyway. Back to that complaint. I will answer it sarcastically, in fact:
Kissing? On Doctor Who? How ridiculous. NOTHING LIKE THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE ON THE SHOW! In fact, I have provided a collection of images below to show you just that.
…oh, wait. Silly me. There’s a lot of kissing on this show!
Let’s face it, Amy and Rory were basically connected at the mouth. I could’ve included more pictures of those two, but I ran out of room on the collage. People get weirdly upset by things on children’s shows (or in children’s books).
Things that happened in “Deep Breath” that would upset children more than two lesbians kissing:
- Organ harvesting
- A hot-air balloon made out of human skin
- The plucking-his-eyes-out scene
- Did I mention the skin balloon?!
- The half-faced droid was impaled on Big Ben
- SKIN BALLOON
- Vastra eats the criminals she catches and that’s just weird, even if it does keep those people from hurting others again
And last but not least, I would like to talk about a weird occurrence in Doctor Who, or in New Who at least. Every so often, one character kisses another because SCIENCE. It’s kind of ridiculous and funny all at once.
- Nine & Rose: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring the time vortex energy from me to you. (And then I’ll explode into flames and regenerate.)”
- Ten & Martha: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring my DNA.”
- River & Eleven: “I’m not kissing you, I’m slowly killing you with my poison lipstick.”
- River & Eleven: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring my remaining Time Lady regenerations to you because you’re dying and I’m having sudden regrets about trying to kill you with my poison lipstick.”
- Vastra & Jenny: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring air because you can’t breathe and if you do, the droids will find you and probably RIP OUT YOUR GUTS.”
And now I have no idea how to end this post. I fail at everything. So long, and thanks for all the fish.