Good morning! Today I’m going to talk about “Deep Breath,” the latest Doctor Who episode… again. I know I already discussed it on Thursday, but I have A LOT OF THOUGHTS about fiction, all right?
I have a bunch of thoughts bouncing around in my mind at the moment, so I’ll split this post into multiple little sections in order to keep it somewhat coherent. Time for some Roman numerals!
I.
I love cute fictional couples. I don’t want romantic subplots in every story, but… if said subplot is cute and well-written, then I will probably love it. I will probably go, “Awww, that couple is so adorable!” and sigh happily and hug the book/TV out of sheer joy and just generally act like the mega-dork that I am.
This process will repeat each time that particular fictional couple does anything remotely affectionate. Hugging, kissing, holding hands… fighting monsters? Yeah, probably. (What’s more romantic than saving the world together?)
II.
There are many cute couples in Doctor Who and they usually fight monsters together, and now you can imagine how I react to that.
One day, I will show up at your doorstep and introduce myself and my girlfriend this way. Bonus points if killer snowmen are on the prowl when we meet.
My favorite from the show? These two dorks. Vastra and Jenny.
Actually, that’s not quite true. My favorites are Vastra & Jenny and Nine & Rose. But the latter isn’t really relevant to this post because those two haven’t been around since series one…
Anyway. They’re adorable. They’re very affectionate with one another. They kick alien butt and solves crimes in Victorian London. And yeah, they kissed in “Deep Breath.” Finally. It only took five episodes, two series, and three years for that to happen.
(I’m noticing a pattern here, what about you? Nine & Rose had one kiss and when it happened I was like IT’S ABOUT TIME and yay. And I swear that last sentence’s time pun was unintentional. I’m so sorry.)
[Insert happy sighing here]
III.
Some people weren’t quite so happy about that kiss, though. This article, in particular, caused me fits of giggles thanks to quotes such as the following: “The BBC seem [sic] to want to become a porn channel.”
I’m probably going to get some really weird blog search terms now that I mentioned the word “porn,” aren’t it? Oh, dear. Anyway. Back to that complaint. I will answer it sarcastically, in fact:
Kissing? On Doctor Who? How ridiculous. NOTHING LIKE THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE ON THE SHOW! In fact, I have provided a collection of images below to show you just that.
My current facial expression matches the Doctor’s in the central image: “Uh, guys? Are you almost done? How about now?”
…
…oh, wait. Silly me. There’s a lot of kissing on this show!
Let’s face it, Amy and Rory were basically connected at the mouth. I could’ve included more pictures of those two, but I ran out of room on the collage. People get weirdly upset by things on children’s shows (or in children’s books).
IV.
Things that happened in “Deep Breath” that would upset children more than two lesbians kissing:
- Organ harvesting
- A hot-air balloon made out of human skin
- The plucking-his-eyes-out scene
- Did I mention the skin balloon?!
- The half-faced droid was impaled on Big Ben
- SKIN BALLOON
- Vastra eats the criminals she catches and that’s just weird, even if it does keep those people from hurting others again
Why would you want a boyfriend when you could have a sword-fighting wife who is also a ninja detective?
V.
And last but not least, I would like to talk about a weird occurrence in Doctor Who, or in New Who at least. Every so often, one character kisses another because SCIENCE. It’s kind of ridiculous and funny all at once.
Observe:
- Nine & Rose: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring the time vortex energy from me to you. (And then I’ll explode into flames and regenerate.)”
- Ten & Martha: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring my DNA.”
- River & Eleven: “I’m not kissing you, I’m slowly killing you with my poison lipstick.”
- River & Eleven: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring my remaining Time Lady regenerations to you because you’re dying and I’m having sudden regrets about trying to kill you with my poison lipstick.”
- Vastra & Jenny: “I’m not kissing you, I’m transferring air because you can’t breathe and if you do, the droids will find you and probably RIP OUT YOUR GUTS.”
And now I have no idea how to end this post. I fail at everything. So long, and thanks for all the fish.
Musings From Neville's Navel 
Best post title ever.
Actually, I was thinking of doing a very similarly-laid-out post for episode 2. I wrote a little bit this morning and then got distracted by editing.
SKIN BALLOON
‘Thanks for al the fish?’
Thank you. 😛 I like making odd titles…
I love this lay-out. It’s good for posts where I bounce around from topic to topic
SKIN BALLOON OF GROSSNESS
*le sigh* Curse those typo ninjas… they sneak onto my posts and mess up the spelling. *nodnod*
I’m sure this fish called Al was happy you appreciated him 😉
Or her.
Pffft. He probably was. (Also, since this is kind of what the post is about – Vastra/Jenny: yes? No? If yes then we can fangirl. 😀 )
Vastra/Jenny? Should there even be a question mark?? Yes! They are so cute together, and I completely agree with you that the BBC are not making DW into “porn” (seriously??).
One comment I noticed when scrawling the Twitter feed and rewatching the episode (it was a slow Friday evening and BBC7 repeats it where I am 😉 ): there is quite a bit of gratuitous “Married. Remember!”, which kind of annoyed me. I mean, yeah, they’re married. I didn’t get it in the first episode (but then the whole stolen Amy storyline dragged on, IMO), but then it has been obvious afterwards. You’d never get a good prose writer being so superfluous.
But, out of the minorities Moffatt/the DW writing team portray, I think the lesbians are done and written well. I particularly liked the – it was almost flirting, wasn’t it? – between Vastra and Clara in Deep Breath.
Also, I can haz Jenny’s waistcoats, plz? ^_^
*makes high-pitched fangirlish squealing noises* I get ridiculously happy about cute fictional couples. xD
(People are ridiculous. And today one of the search terms for this blog was “kissing porn.” *facepalms* Oh dear.)
First episode as in… “A Good Man Goes To War?” I don’t think they were married then. But IDK.
I know, right? That was kind of weird. I did see someone else’s comment on… FB, I think, that maybe Moffat was confused as to how to pass the Bechdel Test. (Idk if you know what that is… it’s a thingie for writing. Basically, to pass the test, a story has to have 1) at least two female characters who are 2) named and 3) talk about something other than a guy. Basically, it’s a way to see if a story includes women as characters in their own right, or if they’re only sidekicks/there to be rescued/love interests.)
…so basically the other person’s idea was that Moffat went, “What could they possibly talk about, then? Each other?”
Or maybe he’s just terrible at writing relationships? xD I mean, it shouldn’t be that hard. One of the things I like about Vastra/Jenny is all the little looks they share – you know, “writers should show and not tell” and all that. That was definitely a telling episode.
I’m pretty sure it was flirting. xD At least, Clara and Jenny certainly seemed to think so…
Ahaha, you, me, and Miriam, huh? (Miriam also has a thing for waistcoats, apparently.) They’re awesome. ^-^ Also I wouldn’t mind Jenny’s ninja outfit. 😀
Ah, maybe not, then. But I don’t know.
*laughs* yes, I know what the Bechdel Test is. It does seem like Moffatt is trying but not doing so well without being obvious. And I’m pretty sure there is/should be a clause in the Bechdel Test that changes the “talk about something other than a man” to sexuality-specific.
Hmm, that might be true. As you point out, Amy and Rory were very much “LOOK AT US WE’RE A COUPLE” instead of subtlety. Same with Eleven and River… I never really liked the romance-threads there, though.
I like the boots in Jenny’s ninja outfit. Not sure the leather-like material would suit me 😛
Hmm, I think these are all good points, but this wasn’t your best post. I do, however, love your photo captions.
Oh, I definitely agree. I mean, I had fun writing it, but… sometimes I am not very good at writing conclusions. xD
Thank you. They’re my favorite part of the post.
I’m not actually a Whovian myself (I figure the more fandoms I allow myself to get sucked into, the less time I’ll have for indulging those that have already caught me, and they’ll get jealous), but I really enjoyed this post! It’s always a pleasure to read something someone’s had fun writing 🙂
Ehehe, I’m glad you enjoyed this post anyway! I know that feeling – I’ve read loads of blog posts in which someone else talks about their current WIPs and… well, those aren’t the projects I’m working on, but they’re so excited about what they’re writing that it’s fun for me to read about it too! 🙂
Thanks fore reading and commenting! (And thanks for following my blog.)
Amy and Rory and the infinite lip-lock. XD I love it.
Um, yeah, there’s a LOT of kissing on this show. Obviously they need to do their research. (But you know the real reason why they’re upset, don’t you? It makes my blood boil just to think about it.)
That skin balloon was just weird. And random. And probably didn’t have to be in the episode at all. 😛
*mutters disparagingly* Those two spent 90% of their story arcs being in looooove, and they didn’t even have a very interesting romance. Blergh.
(I’m not stupid, I’m well aware of the real reason they’re upset. That’s why this post is so sarcastic at times. I get that way when I’m frustrated…)
It does seem a bit obvious, doesn’t it? It’s not the sneakiest way for a villain to escape. xD
I don’t watch Dr. Who, but I’m rethinking that decision for many reasons, chief of them being this quote right here, “Why would you want a boyfriend when you could have a sword-fighting wife who is also a ninja detective?” Fantastic!
I’m not gonna say that fictional ninja-detective lesbians were THE reason I started watching Doctor Who, but they were certainly A reason. xD Around Christmas 2012 a bunch of my bloggy friends were all like “GOOD EVENING, I’M A LIZARD WOMAN FROM THE DAWN OF TIME AND THIS IS MY WIFE” and I was just like “what is going on here what is this I should watch this show.”
…anyway, It’s a really cool show. It has something for everyone, I guess – historical episodes and sci-fi episodes; scary episodes and silly ones; stories set in the future or in the past; et cetera.
Not sure this is really related, but a few days after this episode aired, one of my friends (well, not really ‘friend’ anymore) was whining about it at school. Specifically? He was whining about the Vastra/Jenny kiss. I know, irritating, right? He went on and on about not wanting to watch a show with a canon, onscreen-confirmed queer couple. It involved a lot of swearing and homophobic language. So, me being me, I let him rant for like five minutes. Then it degraded to the point where he was basically being like “How dare the BBC show gay people onscreen this is offensive and disgusting and eugh gross I don’t want to see girls kissing wtf.”
And then, after he finished, I said (cue extreme sarcasm) “Dude, you do realize I’m gay, right? Almost too gay to function.” Obviously, me being me, it involved a lot more swearing to get my point across. But it worked. He froze, turned bright red, stammered out the crappiest ‘apology’ I’ve ever had the chance to receive, and then ran like a bat outta hell. It was kind of funny, to be honest.
Eugh, gross. *hisses at your so-called “friend”* And your response was PERFECT. When people say homophobic crap to me I like to let them go on and on for a while and then burst out with, “HELLO, I’M SUPER FREAKING GAY” and damn. The look on their faces is always PRICELESS.
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I’m pretty confident I watched this episode; I remember loads about it, but then there are little things I’ve read in this post that make me think “…Did I REALLY watch this?”. It’s very annoying, because I remember the whole hold your breath thing – but the skin balloon? Ringing no bells – and speaking of bells, I can’t picture the droid being impaled on Big Ben, either!
And, the main point of the post, I can’t remember Vastra and Jenny kissing at all 😦 All of this is most distressing, let me tell you. I think I may need t watch it again, because I’m trying my hardest to think of these things happening, and just drawing a blank.
I loved this post though, and I really do think that all these people getting their knickers in a twist over the kiss seriously need to get themselves sorted out.
Ehehe, well, tbh the kiss was just a tiny part of the episode and I wish there had been more Vastra/Jenny stuff! Heaven knows Amy/Rory and Eleven/River got loads and loads of shippy scenes…
Also, Vastra & Jenny kissing JUST BECAUSE and not just as a sciencey excuse would be nice. xD The straight DW couples didn’t need any excuses…