A World In White Gets Underway

Happy New Year!

As usual, I have three New Year’s resolutions. Some people don’t find it helpful to make these, but it works for me. I try not to have too many – three seems to be a reasonable amount – because focusing on just a few means I’m more likely to actually accomplish them. Also, posting them here means you guys can hold me accountable!

1. Make sleep a priority

…my parents are probably laughing as they read this, because I’ve spent probably 2/3 of winter break sleeping. BUT IT’S SO QUIET HERE. Also, I’m sick right now. Blahhhhh.

Anyway, I want to want to develop better sleeping habits this year so that I’m the best student that I can be! During the fall semester, I was paranoid about getting bad grades, so I studied a LOT… in fact, so much that I frequently went to bed much later than I should have and ended up finding it hard to function the next morning. Also, sometimes one of my friends would come online and start messaging me, and then we’d spend like an hour chatting back and forth because we hadn’t talked in ages.

Finally, people are LOUD in my dorm. I live in the only dorm designated as a quiet residence hall, but do people pay attention to the “quiet time from 7 PM to 8 AM rule”? Noooooo. They sit out in the hallway at night and talk. And laugh. And YELL.

I’m not expecting the dorm to be, like, so quiet you could hear a pin drop, but it really gets on my nerves when people who live down the hall – or even on another floor – come and sit outside my room and talk at all hours of the night. (I live next door to a guy who’s basically everyone’s friend and who will not shut up, so… yeah. UGH. Lots of people congregate in/around his room.) One of the jobs I applied for would require me to get up at about 6 at least three mornings a week, and I can’t have people causing a ruckus until, I don’t know, 3:30 in the freaking morning each and every day.

Soooooooo, this particular resolution involves A) balancing good study habits with good sleeping habits and B) politely but firmly insisting that other students respect the quiet hours rule. I TRIED to do the latter this past fall, but evidently not often enough.

Also, we’re gonna have a new RA (or resident assistant – basically an upperclassman who lives on the floor with us and is in charge of things) for the spring semester because our old one got fired. (It’s a long story…) Hopefully this one will be more proactive about enforcing the quiet hours, because the old one never did unless I banged on his door at 3 in the morning to get him to actually do part of his job.

Now can you see why I love how quiet and peaceful it is at home? SLEEEEP. ALL OF THE SLEEP. YAY YAY YAY.

2. Get my TBR list under control

Goodreads informs me that my TBR list is 2,263 books long! DSFBDSAFJHKDFHSKF. CLEARLY I NEED TO BECOME BETTER AT MANAGING IT.

So, that’s one of my resolutions… and probably my most important one. I miiiight write up a post about other 2016 reading goals – but then again, I might not. Because the most important reading goal is that I slowly but surely cross books off my TBR list.

I have a really bad habit of going to the library with the intent of getting one book… only to come out with five other books that I’d never even heard of before and NOT the book I meant to get. Or sometimes I DO pick up the book I meant to get, but I get a handful of other books as well and end up reading those instead, while neglecting the book I meant to read.

So, to put it simply, this year will be devoted to whittling down my TBR list into something more manageable. I hope that 2016 will be a better reading year than 2015 was – actually, I hope it’ll be more like 2014, because that was a KICKASS reading year. (203 books, versus 100 in 2015!) Obviously, I’ll continue to add books to my TBR as I discover new and interesting stories to read, but I’m also going to make an effort to read some of the books that have been on my TBR for quite a while.

3. Work up the courage to actually go on dates and stuff

I’M SHY. AND PEOPLE INTIMIDATE ME. But I neeeeed to just suck it up and actually ask a girl out on a date! Last year one of my resolutions was to be more proactive about friendships, and I think that went pretty well. So… this year, I guess I’d like to be more proactive about my crushes?

Right now, if a girl flirts with me, I basically squeak in fright and go hide in my room. I AM A SHY HOBBIT. So I want to do something about that this year! I don’t, like, expect to find the love of my life or anything, but… my current method of dealing with a crush is to ignore it. For example, there’s this girl I have a crush on at school who’s asked me to hang out a few times and I made up some excuse about having a ton of homework to do because, you know, that shy hobbit thing.

I read an article a few months ago about how many LGBTQ+ people in their twenties have no idea how to date because they didn’t in middle/high school. They couldn’t – whether due to homophobia, peer pressure, being in the closet, et cetera. And, well, it reminded me of myself. I mean, it’s not like people date seriously in middle school, but I never even experienced the awkward “telling your crush that you liked them” stage. I have no idea how to do that because I never got the chance to practice.

There’s a lot I missed out on, and I’m trying to catch up because right now I am kind of pathetic. I worked on the whole “too shy/scared to make friends” thing last year, but the thought of talking to my crushes still terrifies me. Right now I go “EEEEEEEEEEE” and scurry away whenever I see them.

I AM A SMALL SHY GAY HOBBIT OK.

-~-

Did you make any resolutions or set goals for yourself in 2016? Tell me all about them!

P.S. The titles of my posts on January 1st, 2014 and January 1st, 2015 came from lyrics from U2’s “New Year’s Day,” so I felt like I should continue that tradition today. Hence, the title of this post.

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About nevillegirl

Elizabeth, University of Iowa class of 2019. Double majoring in English & Creative Writing and Journalism. Twenty-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, and aspiring writer. Passionate about feminism and lesbian positivity.
This entry was posted in Books and Reading!, LGBTQ+, Nevillegirl's Adventures!, Non-Neville Posts, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to A World In White Gets Underway

  1. moosha23 says:

    Oooh, good luck with your goals Engie! I’m sure you’ll be fine for number one (you can be quite fiercely passionate when you want to be and protecting the right to get a good solid eight hours is very noble of you) and number 2? HOW ON EARTH DID THAT HAPPEN. So many books! :0 I as a rule just put books I actually have on me on my TBR (instead of turning it into a wishlist) mainly because I can’t even with the number of books I already have that I have yet to read, never mind a virtual list for the indeterminate future! And for number 3 good luck! I think pop culture helps so just keep on watching movies and reading books (and talk to people who can give you brill advice unlike me who just stares at everybody’s crush stories in awe like “whoa, those hormones are acting intensely brah”).
    I have MANY New Year’s Resolutions and am feeling quite ambitious this year (it’s a good sign me thinks). Going to get a lot of stuff done and finally feel super accomplished instead of plain ol’ sluggish.

    • nevillegirl says:

      Ehehe, “quite fiercely passionate,” thanks. 😀 #goalstbh

      Because… because I have no self-control when it comes to books. 😦

      Thanks for your advice!

      Good luck on all your New Year’s resolutions! 🙂

  2. F says:

    I used to always set around 10 resolutions and never really fulfill all of them, so this year my resolution is to be happier. I’m just going to stop everyday and decide what I do to make myself happier / less unhappy, so the goals will be fairly flexible..

    I’m sorry to hear about your living situation! That really sucks. I can relate to your fear of relationships, because I recently came out as gay, and this is freaking unmarked territory. We get no advice or guidelines as to what navigating this should be like, whereas every book/movie/TV series ever shows kids what the straight norms are. Even fairy tales show them relationship models.. I’m glad someone else has this problem – I just feel more normal after reading this post 😛 Do you still have the link to that article? I read one recently that said a lot of LB girls are too shy to ask other girls out, because we’ve been programmed to think it’s unladylike to show interest and guys should do all the asking, but sadly I can’t remember where I read it. Then, there’s the problem of girls not having confidence, or not being fully out, and all being lonely and never knowing that everyone else feels exactly the same way.. It’s a vicious circle :S

    Anyway, sorry for the long, rambling comment. Good luck with your resolutions 🙂

    • nevillegirl says:

      Yeah, I think it’s important to set a realistic number of goals. What’s the point in goal-setting if you know you won’t be able to achieve them all?! You’ll just end up feeling bad about all you didn’t accomplish, instead of focusing your effort on what you can realistically accomplish.

      I don’t, unfortunately, but I might be able to find the link? I think it was from Gay Star News or some site like that. And YES to the bit about not having enough relationship models! Straight people have their relationships validated all the time, AND straight kids grow up with a model of what their future relationships can look like.

      (And… I mean, not all of those models are GOOD, because even now there are still loads of marriages where the guy is basically in charge, either due to a conscious choice or because he just doesn’t know any better and never stopped to consider that relationships should involve an equal amount of give and take from both parties. But I digress.)

      LGBTQ+ kids just… just DON’T get those models. And to some extent that means we get to define what our relationships look like for ourselves, but before we realize that girls CAN show interest and doing the asking-out-on-a-date, there’s that awkward, weird time when we worry if that’s even possible. I hope that made sense? It’s like, I wish we grew up knowing that people in same-gender relationships don’t have to have one person who acts as the “woman” and one who acts as the “man,” because based on my experience talking to my friends, a lot of us go through a period of believing that.

      Also, yes yes yes to girls being socialized to think they can’t ask people out. -_-

      Aaaand of course it’s hard to be in a relationship if you’re not out! It’s not impossible, but it’s very stressful, and can be downright dangerous if the people around you are violently homophobic and find out. 😦

      Another thing that complicates my feelings about my crushes is that I never know if they even accept LGBTQ+ people. The worst straight people have to worry about is that their crush might not like them back, and unrequited love sucks. But… telling my crush that I have a crush on her inherently requires me to out myself, and what if she’s not OK with lesbians? What if she tells other homophobic people? Gossip about queer people’s crushes has the potential to do a lot more damage than gossip about straight people’s crushes. :/

      Anywayyyy, this is a really really long comment but thanks for reading and commenting on my post! And I’m always happy to listen or give you advice if you need it, because that period after you first come out is really weird. O_o (I hope it went well?) JOIN MY GAY SQUAD OF GAYNESS.

  3. A Human Girl says:

    Hi. You posted a comment on a thing I posted ages ago and you seem cool and I’d like to notify you that I’ve moved blogs.
    And have gone from an awkward 14 year old lesbian to a really awkward 16 year old trans guy. Oops?
    /is incredibly awkward and trying to approach people that probably don’t remember him oops.
    i hope your new years resolutions pan out.

    • nevillegirl says:

      No, I remember you! I’m glad you started blogging again!

      (…sorry this comment is so late, I really neglected to reply to comments on my own blog so I’m catching up now!)

      Thanks! 🙂

  4. I have two resolutions: 1) to submit my middle-grade novel to an editor who gave me permission to do so; and 2) to actually put in the hours I’m supposed to volunteering at my local humane society. I went through the volunteer training at a very busy time last year so I haven’t been fulfilling my 4-hours/month obligation, and I want to try to pick it back up again this year. The kitties need me!!

    I’d never heard that GLBTQ people have more trouble learning how to date when they are older because they didn’t have the opportunity to practice when they were younger, but it makes a lot of sense. I did not come out as bi until I was 22, so I’m not sure what my excuse was. Actually, I just think there are actually a lot of people who don’t know what they’re doing/don’t date in middle/high school/college, and it only feels like a big deal in the midst of it. It’s not hard to catch up — I didn’t start catching up (i.e., regularly dating) until I was 26, and now it’s like all those years of inexperience never mattered anyway. (Not that they don’t matter while you’re in the midst of them — then they matter a lot — just that it’s important not to get stuck thinking the way things are currently is the way they will always be.)

    • nevillegirl says:

      Awww, kitties! I’ve considered volunteering at the cat shelter just down the road… maybe I could do a bit of that this summer when I’m back home?

      I think there are a number of factors contributing to… to LGBTQ+ dating awkwardness, for lack of a better term. (LGBTQ+ dating inexperience, maybe?) It’s hard to date when you’re closeted, or aren’t even sure if your crush is accepting of gay people, and people get harassed just for walking down the street holding hands, or for a quick kiss. I also think there’s a lot of pressure on LGBTQ+ people, especially women, to date someone of the opposite gender… a lot of pressure to “give men/women a chance.” :/

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