Local College Student Parodies Fairy Tales | Dear Fairy Godmother + Sports Column

This will be the last of my fairy tale posts for a while, I’m afraid! Don’t worry, though: I’m planning to post one or two more in July. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your feedback on these pieces since I worked on them all last semester!

Enjoy!

Dear Fairy Godmother,

Many years ago, I killed 40 thieves. (It’s a long story…don’t ask.) They had a cave filled with magnificent gems and other riches from all across the world and this cave could only be entered by speaking the words “open sesame.” I later donated these riches to charity, so I am not worried about others knowing the password. However, for the longest time I thought that cave was the only place where that magic word worked. Lately I’ve noticed people motioning to their friends, saying “open sesame,” and laughing… just as the door to a supermarket or convenience store slides open. What is going on?! How can this be? Is this a common property of doors in Fairytaleville? I don’t get out much, so I wouldn’t know.

Sincerely, Ali Baba

Dear Ali Baba,

KILLING PEOPLE IS ILLEGAL WHETHER OR NOT YOU DONATE THEIR MONEY TO CHARITY AFTERWARD. I have reported this incident to the authorities. I always did wonder how you amassed such wealth so quickly. But to answer your question, it’s called an automatic sliding door and it’s very common for residents of Fairytaleville to reference “open sesame” as a joke whenever they pass through such a doorway. You really should get out more.

Sincerely, Fairy Godmother

P.S. I do hope you understand that my decision to report you to the police is nothing personal. You’d think killing people would make them like you, but it doesn’t. It just makes them dead.

-~-

Dear Fairy Godmother,

My next-door neighbor, a rabbit, doesn’t know when to hold his tongue. Every time I see him, he mocks how slowly I walk and is very boastful about his own speed. What should I do to make him stop? Your suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely, Mr. Tortoise

Dear Mr. Tortoise,

I can sympathize with your feeling of frustration. It’s tough to respond to those who make fun of who we are. However, I do have one idea that may help you. He seems eager for a challenge, so why don’t you humor him by proposing a race? Even if he laughs it off, you’ll show that you won’t stand for his kind of talk. I mean, he probably will laugh it off. Right?

Sincerely, Fairy Godmother

Dear Fairy Godmother,

Help! He agreed. He agreed! What do I do? I am very very slow and now I’m afraid that this plan will backfire. If it does, I’ll never hear the end of it.

Sincerely, Mr. Tortoise

Dear Mr. Tortoise,

I believe in always trying one’s best. Slow and steady wins the race! Your neighbor the rabbit may tire out easily, while you continue to plod along. You can do it!

Sincerely, Fairy Godmother

-~-

LOCAL DANCE TROUPE WOWS IN ANNUAL PERFORMANCE

The annual ballet performance by the local Princesses Twelve dance troupe was a hit, as always. The troupe danced for our community on Sunday night, performing selections from Coppélia, Giselle, and Romeo and Juliet.

For the first time, their performance was held in the brand-new Ali Center, a community gathering place constructed with the help from donations by esteemed citizen Ali Baba.

Some of the dancers expressed their wishes for more donations toward their costumes and equipment. Genevieve, the youngest dancer, complained, “Our shoes are nearly worn out from practicing and performing so much. It would be great if people in Fairytaleville pitched in just a little so we can continue to put on these performances for them. It’s always a fantastic time for both the audience and us dancers, so I would hate to see this tradition end.

HARE AND TORTOISE TO FACE OFF IN RACE

A friendly contest between two neighbors has become a public event. Hare and Tortoise, both residents of the Aesop’s Gables neighborhood, will race each other this coming Saturday and have invited the residents of Fairytaleville to come out and watch. The race will be held on the cross-country course adjacent to Prince Ferdinand’s palace. Tortoise publically announced the contest last night and readers will find a series of letters between him and our beloved Fairy Godmother in today’s advice column.

GOATS TO HOLD CROSS-COUNTRY RACE IN SCENIC BRIDGE DISTRICT

William G. Gruff, Billy Gus Gruff, and Bill Gruff will hold a cross-country meet following the race between Turtle and Hare this Saturday afternoon. The brothers are competing for a spot on the regional goats’ cross-country team. “We’re so excited that this race will take us through such a beautiful area of Fairytaleville,” said Billy. “The weather is supposed to be beautiful that day, too!”

-~-

P.S. Want more? You can find my other fairy tale retellings here and here!

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About nevillegirl

Elizabeth, University of Iowa class of 2019. Double majoring in English & Creative Writing and Journalism. Twenty-year-old daydreamer, introvert, voracious reader, and aspiring writer. Passionate about feminism and lesbian positivity.
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5 Responses to Local College Student Parodies Fairy Tales | Dear Fairy Godmother + Sports Column

  1. Rachel says:

    These are great 😀

  2. Pingback: Local College Student Parodies Fairy Tales | Singles Ads | Musings From Neville's Navel

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